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Despite our efforts to bring our best selves to the saddle, things do not always go as planned, especially when adding a 1000 lb. animal to the equation. Every equestrian understands the frustration of a ride that goes pear-shaped, those days when nothing seems to go your way and your horse is suddenly green again. Learning how to control our emotions for when, not if, these annoying days inevitably occur is piviotal to our partnership with our horses.
Why Things Go Wrong
Rest assured it happens to us all. You go out for a ride only to find you can't see a stride, keep knocking barrels, or feel unsteady in the saddle. No matter how practiced or naturally talented, everyone has off days. The phenomenon is so often experienced in pro baseball there is a term for it: "The Yips."
There are numerous physical, mental, and emotional reasons for having an off day. The culprits behind your reduced performance in the saddle can be anything from:
Lack of sleep or being overly tired
Stress carried over from work or life
Low blood sugar
Emotional drainage
Having tired or sore muscles
Being distracted
However, horseback riding is a unique sport because there is also a horse involved. Even if you show up to your ride rested, fed, and ready to work, your horse can still throw off your game.
Just like humans, horses can be:
Tired
Cranky
Hungry
Thirsty
Sick
Nervous
Distracted
Sore or tense
Our horses cannot tell us how they feel, so it is important to be in tune with their mood and know how much you can push them on a given day.
REMEMBER: Never Punish The Horse
When you or your horse are having an off day, it can be very frustrating. And while it may feel right at the time to get upset, demand more from your horse, use force to get what you want, or punish them, those are NEVER the answers.
Riders who give into their anger will only spoil their horses, making them less trusting and less likely to perform in the future. Horses have adept memories for unpleasant events, so all it takes is one bad ride to dampen your relationship with your horse.
As riders, we should always have empathy for our horses. After all, we do not know if they might be tired or sick. Maybe their tack is pinching somewhere or they are sore or have an injury. Horses are hardwired not to show pain so it can be hard to know if something mild is bothering them.
Always keep your horse's unique circumstances in mind as you push through off days. Have empathy for your horse. Respect their off day. And never punish them for underperformance.
5 Ways to Avoid Frustration When Things Go Wrong
It is normal to get frustrated when things don't go our way. The key is having the right system in place so you can prevent your anger from getting the better of you. These five steps can help you get your emotions in check so you can get back on track.
1. Name The Emotions You Feel
It is easy to allow ourselves to become consumed by strong reactions. However, something as simple as taking a moment to acknowledge how you feel can take the power away from your emotions.
Pause for a moment and name your feelings out loud or in your head. Are you tense? Frustrated? Nervous? Angry? Disappointed? Labeling how you feel can help put your emotions in perspective and give you a moment to cool down.
2. Don't Take It Personally
When things start going pear-shaped, our first instinct as humans is to starting blaming. Our horses can fall victim to that tendency. However, it is important to take a logical approach to the ride and remember horses can only do what they are taught and told properly. They do not have the brain processes necessary to act out of spite or vengeance. They are not acting out to "get back at you" and odds are they are confused or sore and unable to perform.
If you feel your ride is not going to plan, take a step back and evaluate yourself. Are you demanding too much? Are you asking clearly and consistently? Has your horse successfully completed the maneuver in the past? Remember, even if your horse is capable of performing they can still be stiff, sore, or under the weather that day. Take a step back and reevaluate.
3. Look At What Is Happening Through A Positive Lens
A neat little part of our brain called the Reticular Activation System works as a gatekeeper to our conscious mind. This allows us the extraordinary ability to control some of what we think and feel.
When things start going wrong, we can choose to feel negative and respond with anger, frustration, or stress. Or we can choose to look through a positive lens and, instead of being consumed by negative emotions, we can feel joy, gratefulness, and peace despite everything going wrong around us.
Remember, horses are extremely sensitive creatures, they can sense when we feel off. So it is important to put our best foot forward for them, even if we are feeling upset inside.
When things start going ary, don't let yourself get sucked into feeling disappointed or upset. Instead, think positively. It can be helpful to stay curious about why things are not going to plan. Try to use the experience to learn more about your horse and your riding instead of thinking of it as merely a setback.
4. Work On Something You Know Can Be Successful
When you can't get something right, it is often better to move on and give it a try the next day. Even though trying to "push through it" and make it happen can be tempting, this is bound to leave you and your horse feeling frustrated and unmotivated.
You may need to take a step back and do something you know can be completed successfully. That might mean lowering the jumps, jogging a barrel pattern instead of loping, focusing on easy maneuvers, working on 20m circles, or going on a short trail ride. Going back to an easier task will help keep you and your horse fresh, feeling good, and ending on a good note.
5. Put Your Bad Ride In Perspective
Equestrians put a lot of time, effort, and money into their horses. When things don't go to plan it can feel like all your hard work was in vain. However, do not let yourself dwell on a bad ride. Putting too much emphasis on what went wrong will only make you frustrated and worried about next time.
Master showjumper John Smart in his book Showjumping shared these words of wisdom to riders:
Each time you get in the saddle you do not have to be better than last time. Instead, look for a general trend of progress on a monthly or longer scale. As long as you and your horse are gradually improving, you are on the path to success.
It can be helpful to write down each ride to help you track your progress. After each session, jot down what you did, what went well, and what you want to work on. This record is something you can look back on at the end of the month so you can see how far you've come.
Every equestrian understands the struggle of the off day. In a sport that is characterized by its highs and lows, it is not about how well you are able to perform each day but your dedication to your horsemanship that makes the difference.
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